Two Became One
by revelsmyboy
Summary: This is a story when roles are reversed and a couple unite to become one.  I hope you find humorous.Special Thank You to Heather Anne for all her suggestions and quick wit and editing skills.  You are my literary hero!


**10:00 AM Tea-Examination of Legal Arguments/ before Conference Call in 2  
Hours**

There is a level of propriety that I have to make sense of with all that  
I've encountered after returning from my Honeymoon and finding that the  
center of my new life and all of my responsibilities and duties no longer  
are about me** but involve another, my beautiful wife**** Bridget Jones Darcy.**

She is a woman** but also a child**** and that love endears her to my heart and  
in actuality I'm not ready to be away from her for even a moment. So it is  
Bridget Jones and I, as we embark on our life together**

**  
The level of the mundane and boring has imprisoned me for so long**** and here I am facing the most important point in my life where I¹m bound to a woman who I have come to care for until death do us part.**

Two weeks beyond our nuptials and honeymoon I find myself in awe as she** in garden gloves and hat**** prunes the roses and talks of her expectations of having afternoon tea with the wives of my partner****s. A****lthough if truth be told****I know she will be the exception to that mold and I don't intend on sequestering her to trivial matters****S****till**** I've enjoyed having her home and trying to adopt a more élan to her new station as a wife ****of**** a human rights barrister.**

She is trying to portray the domesticate wife. Having breakfast ready this  
morning of burnt toast and questionable eggs** and yet I¹m happily blinded  
because all I can see is the twinkle in her eyes**** which erases anything  
unsettling about breakfast. I did not marry a chef but looked for love and  
found it. I must be the luckiest man alive.**

As I look up from you** my constant journal and friend**** she takes me in once again with her smile. Holding my cup of coffee and shielding the fact that I've been staring at her**** she blows back a kiss to me in which I pretend to catch it mid-air. Bridget is trying**** but I think I will bring back the help  
after two more weeks. Mother's suggestion is to allow Bridget to acclimate  
****herself ****to the home and make it her idea and not mine. Marriage is a  
complicated myriad of twists and turns**** but after several nights of  
matrimonial bliss all of these assorted hiccups are worth it, and I'm slowly  
learning how to interpret wife speak.**

**  
2:00 PM Conference Call **

**  
After my last conference call with the Prime Minister and The Ministry of  
Defense and Trade with the Middle East I set my tea down**** encouraged that I will finally have time with my bride.**

"Bridget please be careful." I went running and just in time because the ladder of where she stood went out from below her and she nearly fell. I caught her as she was re-organizing the kitchen and putting away some of the fine Mikasa China Mother had given to her.

"Oh my goodness, silly girl**you nearly hit the counter." There I was holding her in my arms and then I began to kiss and twirl her about as she giggled a bit. The joy of my life was in my arms.**** 'Imagine me, Mark Darcy, buttoned-up lawyer that I am, frolicking about in the throes of romance. The lads at the office would never believe it. Especially since I can hardly fathom it myself.' **

**  
"You weren't around and**** well**** I saw no harm," she said**** trying to explain  
as I held her and placed her on the counter and gave her even**** small kisses. I just could not get enough of her.**

"Darling, please be careful** I don't know what I would do if you injured  
yourself." I stopped only for her to wipe the water that was accumulating  
around my eyes. I was caught up in the moment as my love for her swelled inside of me. I'm not the same man and as felt the tears surface I realized that my heart was growing day after day, very much like that children's tale entitled, The Grinch, the very book always read to Magda's children at Christmas.**

**  
"It is all new this married thing...I¹m sorry to have worried you," she said****  
kissing my forehead and resting her lips there briefly. I kissed her again  
and quite frankly I don't remember much about what happened except ****that ****I carried her upstairs and realized**** with her**** I had a sense of completeness. I was married and happy and content. **

**  
9:00 PM Settled in to watch a movie in bed**** Something called Trauma with  
what¹s his name, oh that Firth chap. If I was not a secure man I think I  
would almost be jealous of the fact that my wife owns every movie he has  
ever made****B****ut alas**** I'm secure, and I believe far more handsome. She is  
just showering attention on the poor bloke****after all**** I am the real deal.**

Next Day/ Early Dawn I **h****ave to write this down as I find it all very  
unsettling. ****Bridget is still asleep.******

3:00 AM- Sirens rang and a crash was outside** I leapt up and turned to my  
side. "Bridget****" The bed was empty and all around me was the clattering of noise and vehicles. "No****I darted between the disbursement of curious onlookers and emergency staff, frantically asking, ****"Have you seen my wife?" Clad only in my trackies and robe I pushed my way around what seemed to be a terrible car accident. There was a body that lay before me. ****As I knelt down, a foreboding tremor rumbled through my bones just seconds before I rolled the woman toward me to reveal her face. It was her…my Bridget!! The workers began to attach tubes and machines to her wilted body. And at that instant I could no longer contain the deluge of screams and tears. ******

I sprung up all sweaty. "Mark it is ok," **a woman's voice soothed.****I****t was Bridget. ****She was safe.******

She held me and rubbed the hair around my face** "You look white as a ghost." **

**  
I explained to her my dream**** and she told me that under no certain terms  
would we be watching Trauma anytime soon. She pointed ****out**** to me that possibly my dream had sprung from that movie.**

"Perhaps," I said as **she**** looked into my eyes.**

She tipped me back and looked at me calming my racing heart with every  
tempered touch. "It is ok," she said as I shook my head** holding to her  
firmly.**

"Tell me," she said pushing back more curls from my forehead.

I looked to her in the most pensive of gazes. I touched every inch of her  
body meticulously nay a word and followed suit with small kisses. "I could**but you are here with me," ****I was**** whispering as I saw her gasp and knew she was beginning to enjoy the ministrations of my hands and lips ****as**** they explored every part of her being.**

"I love you just the way you are** my darling wife," ****I whispered,**** as I nuzzled closely to her ear. I don¹t know what it is about her but every intimate journey into our little world is ecstasy and without her I would cease to exist. It says, I believe, in the pre-marriage manual to comfort your wife often with telling her you love her. I think one of the self-help books that havegiven in depth attention and this is paramount to a successful marriage. **

**(Note to self: Pull all books you read prior to saying I do...re-check to make sure all probablle methods have been covered. Particularly Mars and Venus-Married.)**

Journal entry 1 Week after...

One week passed and truly returning to our respective offices. Although, as I write this over my coffee I'm hesitant to keep writing all my most innermost thoughts as I feel so exposed**B****ut the books and endless manuals have advised that keeping this journal is truly going to present itself as a way to expose my feelings in order that I don't suppress**** and in turn develop a healthy union that bridges all communication between ****my wife and me****.**

8:00 AM Uneasy stomach pains this morning as I saw my wife getting ready to return to "Sit Up Britain."

**  
I've told myself numerous times we are married now and no need to worry.  
But there she is almost too bubbly to return back to work and racing back  
and forth in our room prepping for her first day back. Also, my career  
minded wife has informed me that help will be needed in the house and the  
respective housekeeper and cook should be re-instated straight away. **

**(Note to Mother to thank her because of her intuitive nature**** I will no longer have burnt eggs and toast and longer amorous interludes with beautiful wife.**

** "I hear her coming and…" She catches me writing mid-word and I feel as if I was caught embezzling millions of dollars.******

"What is it Mark? **What is it that you're writing?"****She giggled, likely thinking of all of the times I'd caught her doing the same.******

"Nothing," I said. All of a sudden insecurity seemed to be creeping up and  
I felt it was going to pour out from every pore in my body. **She stepped closer and her gleeful expression faded.**** "I find that odd since you are profusely sweating and have seemed to soak you once clean dress shirt in 20 minutes time." ****'I looked to her and then to the mirror' ****Within seconds a thermometer had been stuffed into my mouth and a cold, wet flannel was plastered to my forehead.****Nurse Bridget was on the job.******

"No fever," she said shaking **the**** thermometer. "Oh**** is this about me returning back to work," she looked at me with a knowing look that cemented the wifely and some day Mother intuition that all females seem to have established within their DNA. **

**  
"I'm sure it is just hot****D****on't you think it warm?" I said stuttering**** but she  
did not buy it because ****nowhere**** in our home or outside did the weather  
warrant ****what**** my body seemed to be telling me.**

"Sit and tell me now** Mark Darcy," she sat across in a chair and looked at me  
waiting.**

**Do I tell her of my insecurities and jealousy? ****The fact that she was going back to an  
office where Daniel Cleaver worked**** and knowing she would be easy prey****  
especially since she was my wife. Not to mention my nightmare of a week  
ago. What if they throw her out of ****the**** plane and the parachute malfunctions.  
Why can't she be content staying at home**** staying away from Daniel**** and  
staying away from that lame****-****brained production company?**

"I'm waiting." She said in a stayed and cool confidence. "Well Mark Darcy it is 8:45 AM and I have to go," she got up and gave me the per functionary kiss and she was off. 

**  
Ran to journal once more as the uneasiness crept inside of me. I sat there  
****in**** shock, writing, why didn¹t you tell her? Why didn't you tell her you want  
her home and not out in a sea of piranhas ****or that lecherous snake,**** Daniel  
Cleaver? Certainly how were you going to protect her? Keep yourself  
together old man. Bridget loves you. Say it again**** Bridget loves you and  
when you come home tonight she will be waiting for you with dinner**** you  
will talk about your respective days**** and she will draw a bath and join you****  
****T****hen you will embark on another night of mad passionate lovemaking. **

I got ready for work** but still I was sick to my stomach and downed at least  
six Tums. This was going to be a long day. I think I'm beginning to talk  
to my journal more than my wife. ****Why is it that I can talk to a bloody book more easily than I can her?****But on this day she seems not to want to talk to me either.****The mobile is all too quiet. No morning text messages. No 'I miss you.' voicemails. **** What is happening here?**

9:00 AM One Hour Conference Meeting with Giles

**I seem to have developed this h****orrible habit of opening ****the**** journal to write again. ****It's a wonder that I've gotten any work done. I know it's**** a sign that I'm about to repress and ****had**** better get it down before I end ****up ****doing something insanely insensitive****. Should I offer one wrong word or action**** it will ****cause me once again to be deemed haughty or an emotional withholder****by Bridget's nosey and over opinionated friends,**** Jude and Sharon. **

**  
Covered every detail of the Bernstein case. Giles has agreed to present all  
further depositions and reports on my desk in 48 hours. The man will be  
burning the midnight oil at least for 48 hours. He does not seem to mind  
due to being a bachelor and alone after ****his**** wife left him.**

The playback in my mind is that I have a fear that much of this could be  
happening to me **as well,**** and I'm still a newlywed.**

"Shameful thing was** Mark****I didn't know it was happening****S****he just  
never had time for me. And the sure sign is she never called me anymore  
and she never returned my phone calls either." It was an echo and instant  
replay going through my head. Could Bridget ****be having**** second thoughts?**

He then patted me on the back with what I¹m sure is false security, "No  
worries though mate because that Bridget of yours she is a jewel and a true  
blue wife."

What's more my bound book friend** I have the sudden urge and innate desire to cancel any further meetings and run down to "Sit Down Britain" and make up some excuse that she forgot her ****jumper**** just to check up on her. I dropped my pen and put my head in ****my**** hands for a moment to get composure**** all the while fighting the insane jealousy of her going back to work ****within**** any close proximity to Daniel Cleaver.**

I've picked up the phone and put it down several times wondering if I should **phone**** her. Perhaps I will offer the excuse that I want to re-confirm when I will arrive home. That is it****T****hen tell her I wish to ****whisk**** her off to  
the Ivy. **

**I rang her**** mobile to hear this, "Bridget Jones's phone-I¹m sorry I¹m unavailable and unable to take your call but please leave a message and I will ****ring**** you back."**

What does she mean**W****here is the ****'****Darcy****'****? I knew it****S****he is having second thoughts about our marriage and she has not changed her mobile message because the inconvenient truth is she intends to divorce me and thus there will be no need for the Darcy name.**

**  
Beep ... Here is my message. "Oh Bridget, its Mark, and well darling I was  
just calling to see when you might be home this evening****Well miss you and give me a call when you are available." I hung up and then wondered where she might ****be ****that she could not retrieve my call. Surely I was on my way and destined to be Giles**** a lonely bachelor spending long hours after work after his wife had second thoughts. Or perhaps the horrible Finch has caused her to bungee jump ****off ****the London Eye. **

**Damn! Meeting in 15 unable to leave and search for her.**

10:30 A.M. Two Hour Call Mr. Hernandez on final preps for trade agreements.

**  
Recap and Journal Entry**

"Congratulations dear boy," Mr. Hernandez has always been very paternal in his manner as we have become quite good friends and occasional  
colleagues**h****ence the familiarity with terms such as dear boy. " I'm fine it is just my first day back to office after my Honeymoon.**

**  
"That must be difficult for you." He spoke stating a slight judgment because I allowed my wife to work. I nodded as he said, "Truly I prefer my wife at home not gallivanting about with people I don¹t know."**

**I tapped my fingers all along saying not a word but wanting to jump out a window and find my Bridget. "I respect you for bestowing such trust in this day and age because marriage is not seen like it used to be...I say you should buy a big home in the country and have a big family."**

We completed our talks and I checked my mobile. I hated to admit it** but I  
started to ponder Mr. Hernandez¹s suggestion and I wanted to track Bridget¹s cycle and keep her with child and out of work for the next five years. What was I saying? I celebrate her independent spirit and I would celebrate it more if she would bloody call me. I think I¹m going mad. No, not mad that was until I rushed to my laptop.**

**  
I found myself on the internet checking listings for estate agents  
and country homes. Realizing the insecurity welling up inside**** I put my  
laptop down and again I stood up pacing the office**** taking small glances over at the estate agent's website wondering if a country home and a big family would be the answer ."No I trust her and I need to stop this." Good thin****g**** I keep extra shirts in the office**** I think I¹m in need of another change.**

12:30 PM Opposing Council Mediation on illegal detainment of English  
Official in Kuwait

12:45 Mobile beeping. **I began to wonder if perhaps I have been worrying**** for no reason until I listened to the dreaded message-"Sorry Mark****…****have been absolutely busy****…****have to go****…****talk later."**

Journal entry 1:00 PM, after tapping pen numerous times I find myself visiting you once again my fine bound friend. She did not leave any further message and basically had no time to inquire about when I would be home. I knew it**M****arry a woman and gone are the days of I love you, I  
miss you, and I will be home at this time with no more of a reassurance that  
she even misses me or cares when she will see me again.**

Tried to steady my nerves as Nigel and Giles are expecting you for Fish and Chips, and if you show any unsteadiness they will devour you like sharks circling their bait. They are like a bunch of old ladies. Steady mate and grab a hold of your good sense, Bridget was truly busy and she could have not given you such intimate touches if she didn¹t love you. But wait, your ex-wife did the same the night before you found her with that rat Cleaver. Stop, she loves you and tonight will be just perfect, much so you will be home early enough to set the table and have a dozen red roses waiting for her. The Ivy will be on Friday night.

1:00 PM Arrived at Fish and Chips (Harry¹s Pub) to discuss further  
developments with Nigel and Giles...of case docket. Started out with normal faire but Adrian came along and ordered us all Guinness** and before I knew it my insecurity may have been obvious and I was pouring one down after another.**

We came to a point where we were all shedding our tales of woe and lost love**which made me jump off into a pool of pity as well.**

Giles shared the details of his wife¹s infidelity** and I downed another  
Guinness**** Nigel spoke about how deadly boring his many female conquests found him****and that his loneliness caused his obesity****. He**** stuffed another chip into his face and downed another Guinness, and I downed another with him.**

**  
Then I did it**** I commiserated with them about my past and my insecurities of the phone message and how I¹ve not heard from her all day and pushed down another Guinness. They then poured on advice and fear of what was happening and then Giles mentioned behind me that the Smooth Guide and Daniel Cleaver was on and I chugged what I think was my sixth ale with a whiskey chaser. I was doomed.**

"Love ...love why does it hurt so much and I¹m married...doomed yes and no call from my wife...it is a sign" in a high pitch voice. "It is a sign that  
she has dumped me for some under age paper chasing mongrel."" They kept pointing towards the back of me **u****ntil Giles stood up and I suddenly felt a pat from behind. There stood Bridget.**

"Mark Darcy I¹m been trying to reach you for the last hour." All of a  
sudden my commiserating buddies where making excuses and leaving and there I stood trying to explain to my wife why I appeared pissed, because I was, and what I was doing having a liquid lunch.

"Bridget I can explain," that didn¹t sound right because Bridget**'s mind**** was  
inhabiting me and ****mine hers****.**

We made it home and in the door with Bridget slamming it shut from behind and I running for the loo before what I feared would be a first of several marital interrogations from my wife.

"What is a matter with you?"" Was all she said as she slapped a cold  
flannel to my head after I finished getting sick. "You sir** have a lot of  
explaining to do." How do I tell her how insecure I was and what led up to  
today?**

"I¹m afraid I¹m getting nothing out of you today." She held my chin up and  
said with such disappointment in her face. "I think bed is where you need  
to be right now."

Mobile ringing and as I fumbled for it she pulled it from the pocket because  
I was too pissed to find it.

"Yes Giles...no I think he is quite ill...yes...thank you for your  
concern...no he won¹t be in tomorrow could you re-schedule his  
appointments."

She closed it and with one word she had pushed a days events and in light of their quick retreat I¹m sure they didn¹t want to explain themselves either.

"To bed now Mark Darcy." I looked back and stumbled my way in and fell  
unconscious I think.

Next Day 11:00 AM

Have a bagel waiting for me and black coffee in coffee pot.

"Mark, here is breakfast and don¹t go anywhere.**" Was what the note said on the counter******

"Bridget," I called out to an empty house because the echo could be heard from the halls. 

**  
What, no love Bridget? She must be really sore with me. Actually I¹m really  
sore right now. My head is throbbing and every muscle is throbbing.**

11:15 AM Journal Entry

I needed to face the music and if I call her perhaps I can head off the  
aftermath of circumstances that have yet to occur** I will throw myself on  
the mercy of the court.**

I think I will be brave and ring her mobile. Be charming and start out with  
how lovely she is and that I¹m missing her**P****erhaps ****I'll ****take her to the Ivy  
tonight to make up for my shameful behavior.**

"Hello**…****This is Bridget Jones (emphasis) **_**Darcy**_**… ****I¹m not in**** but leave a message I will ****ring**** you back."**

I rang off, mortified at my response and realizing in my silliness that she  
just had not happened to have the opportunity to change her outgoing  
message. "I¹m a fool**…****a real fool."**

I saw that my mobile on the table also had a message.

"Mark I¹m sorry but you were sleeping so soundly this morning that I felt it  
best to allow you to sleep off your binge. However you still have a lot  
of explaining to do and explain you will. Oh and I miss you."

I think at that point I took **the**** mobile and hit it against my head creating more of a headache than I had anticipated. I am certifiable because I¹m not the one who jumps to silly conclusions. What is wrong with me?**

Journal Entry- Must call the office to check - 1:00 PM.

"Mark," are you feeling well?**" ****Rebecca seemed genuinely concerned.**

"Much better**" ****A****nd when he was about to request couriered reports and briefs he stopped when she interrupted.**

"Great** because we were worried about you when your wife was frantically  
trying to locate you yesterday at 2:00 PM****" ****S****he then began to relay how  
Bridget was on edge after not being able to contact him**** and the multiple  
hang-ups, which were so uncharacteristic of him.**

"You are so fortunate to have such a wonderful wife who left a major press  
event to go find you, " she said.

Suddenly felt even more the fool and realized that I disrupted Bridget¹s day  
with all my insecurities. I excused myself and suddenly I did not feel  
like doing any work at all.

"Mark, Bridget even sent us some chocolates today. She is a keeper...keep  
her happy." She had a smile in her voice and he could imagine others did as well.

Got off **the ****phone feeling even more the fool as my wife was on top of things and I felt as if I was working in an alternative universe, besides feeling as if I was incorrect in all my assumptions and I allowed negative thoughts to invade my personal self. Why? My Urban Family, colleagues, was just as bad as Bridget¹s and I fed on every insecurity they gave me.**

Don¹t feel much like working** I think I will go have a lie down for a bit and  
perhaps awake to some sort of sanity. Wonder if I should have some  
expensive piece of ****jewelry**** awaiting her arrival home to make up for my  
abominable behavior.  
Journal Entry 3:00 PM-Will make an accounting of these last couple days-a  
personal inventory**** but not before I watch a little television. Actually  
"Sit Up Britain," is on. Must support wife in all endeavors.**

We are reporting from what seems to be a Ferry Disaster in the Channel.  
Some of our staff, Bridget Jones Darcy and Company**was ****heading back from our expose on not so haute cuisine on the high seas when a fire broke out of the galley.**

Mark stumbled out of bed searching for his clothes and shoes and throwing on a jumper as he left their home. He felt as if his worse fears had come home and that his dream was not far from the truth. "Why did she have to leave me this morning?" He pulled out nearly backing into a rubbish **lorry ****and then putting his vehicle in drive took off to the docks. "Bridget please be ok." He found himself wiping a tear on his shirtsleeve and his heart was beating at an inexplicably fast rate.**

Fireboats and tugs were in the channel. People were hanging over the side  
and the Ferry was being pulled to the docks. I had to fight through several  
policem**e****n to get through explaining that I was Mr. Darcy. They seemed to****o****  
careless until I said Bridget ****Jones's**** husband**** which caused me to have  
immediate access.**

**  
"Over here Mr. Jones this is the family staging area." He called me Mr.  
Jones. I looked back confused but realized this may be a way of life.**

They seemed to pull the boat in and a first it was stretcher after stretcher  
of people** but no Bridget. Then there she was with soot smudged on her face and the Chef running out after her. Something about insults and his cooking and the oil she inadvertently hit which spread to the flames causing a small kitchen fire. Sanity may be returning after all and**** well**** I was just relieve****d ****to see that she indeed was ok.**

I ran to greet her when authorities held me back** and as I fought for freedom  
I lost my footing and ended up in the channel. "Mark what are you doing  
here****" She immediately came over as the fire brigade helped pull me from  
the water. She smiled because I realized that my white shirt was soaked  
through and through. I grabbed her in my arms. **

"**I was worried, because you must admit that wife, fire, and ferry disaster in the same report, I don¹t know, would cause your husband at least minimal concern." Before it was out and because of my stress I realized my answer was a bit haughty. **

**  
She glared at me. "I¹m sorry****."****A****nd with that I hugged her.**

She nodded and then explained that Richard Finch fired her. I held her but  
I guess I was also relieved because I didn¹t want her working for these foul  
people anymore or this substandard **programme****.**

"Can I have a blanket?" Bridget asked as she wrapped me in it and we made it to the car.

"Bridget Jones Darcy**…****you pathetic excuse for a reporter! " I stopped and  
gave him a bollocking for what he said. Then in manner of total lack of  
control I swung**** connecting with the poor sods jaw. "I will thank you to  
offer only respect to my wife****" ****S****he tugged on the blanket and we continued on, before any arrest could be made, but I think he was relunctant as there were many endangerment charges I could easily charge Mr. Finch for endangering my wife on a daily basis.**

Approaching the front door she told me to get out of my wet things. She did not offer a hug or kiss but a glance of impending conversations that I know**in short**** will be about the events of the last couple of days.  
I have to admit the Tums would be welcomed right now because my stomach was doing flip flops once again. The look on her face was incredulous.**

**  
Coming from the shower and clad only in a towel**** Bridget walks in on me and tells me to sit down.**

"We have not said much to each other." I¹ve comforted her in the car  
regarding her subsequent firing so I was **at a loss as**** to what she was****. She**** holds up her hand and then tells me, "****S****tay put."**

**Upon**** returning she carries with her my journal that I left on the table  
below. "Mark I¹m ready to talk**** but I¹m in shock to find the entries in your  
journal of the last couple days." "I¹m disappointed that you haven¹t  
talked to me****Normally I don't**** go digging into people¹s journals, like  
someone else I know," she winks, ****"****however, with it opened like mine was, I  
could not help it**** and I¹m glad I did. But I want to hear it from you.****"******

I gulped because I knew she had seen everything I was going through these last couple of days and I could not repress anything**B****esides**** she took very seriously all the pre-marital counseling we took before our marriage. I wish I had listened as well as she did**** but I fear my lessons will come with practice.**

"I¹m waiting," she said sitting across from me as I sat there.

She places it down and I look at her.

She starts, "Let me begin with what shocked me the most, such as, continual pregnancies, insisting I stay home, checking the phone and thinking I no longer love you, and then Harry¹s Pub and your commiserating with the Barrister Brigade, " leaning in to me, which in my estimation was the worse place you can be because **that only****deepens one's**** paranoia and doubt.**

I thought, are we really having this conversation? I am her and she is me.  
Oh what is going on**A****m I in an alternative universe**** I stutter because I  
have no other place to start.**

"Mark this is real and you don¹t need to pinch yourself to determine that  
you are dreaming" She paused and paced and turned around after getting up to look out our window," Don¹t you trust me?"

I gulped because I didn¹t know what to say. "Bridget I realize I went off  
the deep end**C****ome to think of it I have become you."**

As I stuck my foot in my mouth with the above comment I felt such an  
uneasiness that a I placed my hand over my mouth ready for her to up and  
walk out of my life forever.

She stopped and laughed at me.

I don¹t mean a small twitter of a giggle but a full guffaw. "You ridiculous  
man, it is true I have become you and you have become me and I¹m so  
interested to hear the catalog of Chinese Whispers of these last couple of  
days, actually intrigued**"**** She settled and I realized that our children  
will not have a hope in the world of getting things past her as a mother.**

"Well I didn¹t mean it in terms so harsh as that," trying to ease out of my  
previous statement.

"No, these last days you have become so insecure **that**** the formidable façade has melted away and I have found you to be more like me than ever before****right down to the jealousy and insecurity."**

I shrugged my head and she composed her self, and in a mock barrister tone and said," Mr. Darcy what say you to the charges of lunacy, jealousy, and absolute innate insecurity?"

"Guilty, I¹m guilty of being head over heals **in ****love with my wife." She giggled****really enjoying the insecurity of it all as well as my almost vulnerable state in towel and all.**

"Go on** ­ Really," she chided me on what could I do.**

"I¹m guilty of worrying where you are and if you are in serious danger."

She sat shocked a bit** "So you think me inept to make wise decisions****"  
Calling into question possible trust issues.**

"No not at all** I just...just don¹t trust the world at large, that is all."  
There I said it**** hoping not to call into question that she is anything but  
brilliant and wise and I love her.**

"I see** and what else would drive such a sensible man like yourself over the edge?" She leaned over and I was feeling a little warm over this  
interrogation.**

She sat back in **her**** vanity seat and looked across at me. The she walked  
over to our bed and picked up one of my law journals. Confidence becoming her and placing her hand upon her hip she gives that knowing look as if waiting for an answer or confession.**

I stutter even more, "I'm or I mean I, no I'm guilty of the need I have to  
hear your voice during the day and the reassurance that you are truly happy being married to me and above all those, the insecurity that I feel that one day when I wake up you won¹t be here like my former wife."

She stops and I see a tear coming from her face and I go to step off the bed  
and she puts her hand up to stop me. "Go on, I¹m not finished with this  
cross examination yet Mr. Darcy." "You must have a great hope for a long  
and happy life with this lovely woman, her name is Bridget, lovely name."

**She is really good at this, I thought as she continued with the cross examination**

I sit at the edge and my leg jumps a little after all I'm donned only in a  
towel and again looking for some demonstrative action from what I¹ve told  
her** "Yes I love you and I'm guilty of wanting to have a large family with  
you and above all I'm guilty of becoming a ****stark**** raving daft lunatic who's  
life would cease if you were not around to maintain a sanity in my life,  
because I love you just the way are and always have from the time we were  
really small children."**

Now her voice shutters, "**E****ver since we were small****you mean children****"  
She straightens up again to pretend she is as haughty as I can be and throws back her shoulders. "Then what shall be my response to you Mr. Darcy...what do you deserve and what sentence shall I levy towards you and your insanity****" "Any parting comments before I deliberate?" She said with an evil and delicious look upon her porcelain features.**

"Just know that I throw myself on the mercy of this court** my dear wife**** and ask for leniency towards all these charges as I find myself guilty of the  
deepest love for you."**

I fell at her feet and gave her the most pensive and soft stare, while  
keeping my towel closed, like that Colin chap in her favorite movie. You  
see, I've been practicing it for just such as an occasion as this, the pond  
scene certainly had its advantage.

"Oh you deceitful treacherous man, you are seducing me with that look."  
"You ...you have an advantage.**"****She peered down at me almost as if she was going to faint under the power of my stare, I could feel it and then she said, ****"I****will be back after I review the details of this hearing**** " ****S****tay here" **

**I must watch the Colin chap again I thought for sure she would melt right here and now she has run off.**

"**Bridget****" I call out trying to run after her.**

"Stay here," **she commanded. And with that she ran downstairs.**** I was at a loss**** but still I would feel a litter better clad in trousers.**

I stopped and wondered whatever was it she was up to and how long it would take. I looked towards the clock**I****t is 7:00 PM. But I will stay at the  
risk I could get myself in more trouble.**

7:15 I'm nervous** I think I will reorganize and colorize ****my**** folded  
underpants drawer. Order will bring about sanity.**

7:30 I'll go to Bridget's wardrobe and straightens her shoe collection  
because they are a jumbled mess, so that all of the pairs are aligned on the  
floor according to usage and color. For example trainers on the left  
starting with white, then to white with blue stripe, etc. Everyday shoes  
center, and formal shoes on the right organized similarly. Yes I am an  
**extraordinarily**** kind and considerate husband. Surely she will take note.**

7:45 Examine **myself ****in the mirror and determines that ****I ****could stand to  
loose a pound or two and may want to consider growing my sideburns longer. Primping and pondering my appearance I hear footsteps and she catches me in the act as I turn and she re-enters from the hallway.**

But when I see her in my barrister robe and wig I stifle laughter right  
back at her.

"You find this funny Mr. Darcy?" "Sit down as I enter in your sentence to  
the court records." She sits at her vanity once again and swings out a  
stocking clad leg with a garter crossed across her lap and she does so just  
to entice me. I suddenly go deaf because I see her talking but my blood has traveled I¹m sure from my brain to somewhere else till I hear her shout... "Mr. Darcy eyes front...Mr. Darcy don¹t make me hold you in contempt of court."

She looks serious and a bit annoyed.

"The court has reviewed the transcripts of the earlier hearing and has found you guilty of insane and anxious fits, public drunkenness, conspiracy to hold wife pregnant and barefoot, and willful imprisonment** as well as further intent and conspiratory acts with fellow members of the questionable gang endearingly referred to as the Barrister Brigade."**

"But,"I have my hands open to plead my case again.

"I¹m not finished**P****lease come closer." With that I came closer and she had me kneel on one leg and taking her hand across my chin, "****A****nd because of all the aforementioned I sentence you to a lifetime sentence under my watchful eye, whereby I will assure you and nurture you that I have loved you since very young and accept you just the way you are**** always have and always will."**

I looked up at the delicious look and gleam in her eye and kissed her  
passionately. Gently I reached up and picked her up in my arms and carried her to our bed. "I¹ve never seduced a woman in a wig before." I laughed and her reply. "Well I find that hard to believe, but there is always a first Mr. Darcy...you may commence your sentence now."

**  
3:00 AM Picked up journal**

Have now had time to assess my sentence and have noticed that my guard has a strikingly familiar likeness to my judge and jury. I have the fervent hope that there will be no parole for exhibiting good behavior...well after last night I fully intend on exhibiting my naughty side. Alas, this is bliss  
she certainly holds the key to my heart.

"Mark come back** I didn¹t excuse you." I closed my journal and entered our bed for yet another exercise in the service of my sentence.**

**The End**


End file.
